5 creative ways to love yourself again

Kinfolk Magazine / 5 ways to love yourself again
“...you are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at the desk, or your life on the bus, or in the car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just the your bank account, but your soul.”
— Anna Quindlen "A Short Guide to a Happy Life"

I was recently told that I was responsible for everything that happened to me in my life: the good, the bad, the ugly.  But getting advice like that while my world was falling apart wasn't really the type of advice I wanted to hear.  It also provoked a shame-based motivation stemmed from a long road of self judgment/guilt/blame. For months I beat myself up with criticism that constantly weighed me down: 'Maybe I'm not good enough at my job.. or I'm not skilled enough to begin with.  I'm a crappy partner. I'm a complete disappointment of a daughter. I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not smart enough. I am undeserving, and the only person to blame is myself.'  

These thoughts ran amok inside me for months.  I felt utterly useless and stupid. Every day I would wake up, wallow in misery, go to bed. I was merely existing, and I hated the person I had become. 

Something clicked between then and now and I realized that in order for me to be happy, productive, and confident again I needed to practice self love- which I didn't realize I lacked until I hit rock bottom. 

1. RETREAT : [verb] an act of moving back or withdrawing.  To pull back/out or withdraw. 

Before I could deal with anything, I had to emotionally remove myself from the whirlwind of crap that was going on in my life.  And although it's easier said than done, I knew I had to surrender all that anxiety, pain, self hate, frustration and insecurity I was carrying.

How do you do that you ask? Spend time alone: Pray in an empty church, or not- read a short uplifting book instead if you'd like.  Have lunch in a quiet park.  Go for a walk on a private beach. Sign up for an actual retreat.  TURN YOUR PHONE OFF. All these things encourage a healthy relationship with yourself- and trust me, they help A LOT. 


This is an obvious one, but the second I knew I needed a break from it all I consulted good old Groupon and snagged a massage deal at a local spa.  Shortly after I was introduced to Massage Clicks which I totally wish I would have known about sooner.  It's basically an app where you can order a massage or facial straight to your home! [ I'll be posting a review about this soon so stay tuned :) ]

Get a massage, get your hair done, nails done, go to the gym, swap some old stuff in your closet for a fresh new pair of clothes.  You'll feel so much better about yourself once you treat yourself like the princess [or prince] that you are. 

3. EXPAND your KNOWLEDGE on topics of interests through books. 

There's many reasons why I love this: 

  1. There is nothing more satisfying than picking up a book and turning pages that smell like that warm feeling you get when you entire Barnes & Nobles. 
  2. Expanding your knowledge in something that interests you allows you to get excited about something new.  Example: I've recently taken up photography & styling.  I have a stack of books sitting in my room from Taschen.  Most of them are photography & entertaining books illustrated with gorgeous photographs, so I did what anyone else would do and tried recreating what I saw in them.  I took down notes. Tangled myself in research learning about the photographers & stylists behind the images.  I even got to chat over the phone with one of them that lived in Portland. It was pretty awesome. I learned a lot. 
  3. You've inspired yourself to pick up a new hobby (or even a different career path) because of it, because you LOVE what you're learning about. 


I. cannot. stress. this. enough. If you're surrounded by people who bring you down, it will be that much harder to get back to a place where you love yourself, love your life, and are confident in the direction you've chosen for yourself.  For those people who may not necessarily be negative or toxic, but at the same time don't push you, motivate you, or support you.. Keep a safe distance.  Declutter your closet, your room, your apartment.  ONLY KEEP what you need- not necessarily what you want.  Practice minimalism- in all aspects of your life.  Do ONLY what serves you. Live with intention. Medidate. Be kind.  



Because there's nothing more liberating than going on a trip by yourself.  A great learning experience and definitely therapeutic if you do everything mentioned above. 

This is the last one I need to check off my list-  I'm feeling the Caribbean this year.  Where do want to go?  Let me know in the comments or fill out the form on my travel services page: 

I'll give you some affordable options from your city of departure :) 

Hope this helps! 

Lots of love,


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